


Shake This Sorrow and Leave My Worry Here

by TheseusInTheMaze



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguments, Belly Injury During Pregnancy (baby okay), Belly Rubs, Belly worship, F/F, Fluff, Fpreg, Pregnant Sex, Vomiting, complicated feelings about pregnant body, sex toy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:35:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23229487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseusInTheMaze/pseuds/TheseusInTheMaze
Summary: River's new sex toy leaves the Doctor with an unexpected surprise.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/River Song
Comments: 15
Kudos: 137
Collections: Unusual_Bearings_2020





	Shake This Sorrow and Leave My Worry Here

**Author's Note:**

  * For [chamilet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chamilet/gifts).



> Title from _Night Like a River_ by Hem.

"I've got a surprise for you," River said in the Doctor's ear, her hair ticklish and sticking against the Doctor's sweaty face. 

"I like surprises," the Doctor said sleepily. "More of a surprise than all of this?" She made a vague hand gesture at the room they were in. 

The two of them, tangled up in the bedsheets in the penthouse suite on some resort planet. How had they even ended up here?

River's clever fingers made their way down the Doctor's sides, digging into the hollow of the Doctor's hip, and the Doctor shivered. 

She couldn't find it in her to care, just now. 

"As much of a surprise as you sprang on me," said River. She was sitting up now, and tugging on the Doctor's hip, to get the Doctor to roll over. 

The Doctor rolled over, lying on her side and staring up at her wife in the murky shadows of the room. The curtains were drawn, so who even knew what time it was at this point? They'd run into each other - somehow - and in the joy of reuniting, they had tumbled into bed together. Now, in the sweaty, quiet moments, the Doctor wasn't sure what to think. 

"So what kind of surprise?" The Doctor pillowed her head on her arm, letting her eyes roam across the curve of River's breasts, the puckered darker skin of River's nipples, the softness of her belly. She brought a hand up, tracing along the line of River's ribs, to the edge of the sheet puddled up in River's lap. 

"A surprise I've been saving," River said, and she took the Doctor's hand in her own. "D'you want to feel?

"I always want to feel _you_ ," the Doctor said, putting on a silly voice. 

She was rewarded by River's throaty chuckle, and a squeeze of her hand. "I bought an interesting sex toy recently," she said. She was bringing the Doctor's hand down to her lap, and the Doctor's eyebrows knit together, as something hard nudged against her hand. 

"That's new," the Doctor said, and she gave it a squeeze. 

River gave a startled moan, her hips rocking forward. 

"I definitely feel like I'd remember that," said the Doctor, as she sat up and gave another squeeze. Her fingers traced lower, feeling along the length of the shaft, then lower. There seemed to even be testicles. "I was down there earlier tonight, and I _know_ that things were arranged differently." She could see River's erection tenting the fabric now, when it hadn't before. 

"Bio-engineered dildo," River said, and she sounded _entirely_ too pleased with herself. "Bought it ages ago, didn't think I'd get to give it a spin."

"Well," said the Doctor, "I'm certainly up for some spinning." She paused. "Not actual spinning. At least, not with that." She grabbed for the sheet, and she pulled it off. 

River yelped, and she grabbed for the sheet as well, but too late. The sheet was now around her knees, and the Doctor's eyes were on her cock. "Well," River said, and she cleared her throat. "This is oddly anxiety inducing."

"I could believe that," said the Doctor. She wrapped her hand around River's cock, gave it a squeeze. It felt like a real flesh and blood penis, and there was a damp line of pre-come dripping down the side. "New bodies can be scary. You've regenerated, you know what that's like."

"Well, okay, yes," said River, and she hissed through her teeth, her hips rolling forward. "But that was... different. In a different way. Um." She shivered, and her hips rolled forward. "That's... that's quite nice. Feels different from when I do it."

"When you do it?" The Doctor ran her thumb along the sticky head, spreading pre-come along it. "Have you used it already?"

"It's a one time use sort of thing," River said, and she gave a little hip shimmy, humping into the Doctor's hand. "I put it on after you fell asleep. I did have a wank when things were first being attached, the way it was suggested." She sighed. "It was... illuminating." 

"I'm glad," said the Doctor, and she gave a little twist. "D'you want... I mean..." She cleared her throat, embarrassed. "How long is it good for?"

"About a day, give or take a bit," said River, and she shivered. "As lovely as your hand is, there are some other things I'd like to try."

"You sure?" The Doctor did something clever with her fingers, and River gasped, then batted her hand away. 

"Very sure," River said, and she looked sidelong at the Doctor, and fluttered her eyelashes. "I had a chance to give you a good many firsts tonight, my dear. I don't think I'm quite done." 

* * *

“Oh,” River breathed, as her cock slid fully inside of the Doctor. “Oh. Oh, I didn’t know…” She was trembling, her hands clutching at the Doctor’s hips. “Darling, you’re so… so silky inside.”

The Doctor clenched around the heat of River’s cock, her heels digging into River’s calves. She’d taken humans inside of her before, although not in this… configuration. River was sweating on her, and River’s breasts were hanging down. The Doctor wanted to take River’s nipple into her mouth, wanted to pull River closer to her. She could feel River’s heart beating desperately in her cock.

“Oh,” River mumbled, and she withdrew, until just the tip was resting against the Doctor’s entrance. Then she was back inside, and she was dropping forward, her hair curtaining the Doctor’s face. Their breasts were pressed together, sliding with River’s sweat, and River’s hips were rolling. The Doctor was faintly worried about being pushed off the pillow she’d propped her hips on, but it was a distant worry. It was hard to worry about _anything_ right then and there. 

“You’re nice like this,” said the Doctor. “I mean. I like your regular… equipment too, but…” She sighed, shivered, as River ground her hips forward. Her clit was being pressed into, and she was curling her toes against River’s calves. “This is neat.”

“Neat,” River said, and she was giggling a bit as she began to thrust again. She was moving faster, and the wet sound of the Doctor’s cunt was very loud between them. River was panting, and she sat up, her hand going to where their bodies met. Her fingers were on either side of her own shaft, as her cock slid in and out. Her thumb was on the Doctor’s clit, and the Doctor was already beginning to teeter over the edge of her orgasm. 

“Neat? That’s what you’ve got to say, _neat_?” The Doctor giggled, and River made a startled noise, her hips jerking forward again. “What?” She caught the shocked expression on her wife’s face. “Is something the matter?”

“I can feel it when you laugh,” River said, and she was moving her thumb faster. “Every time I do this…” She rubbed the Doctor’s clit, “and when you laugh, you _squeeze_.”

The Doctor shuddered, and she grinned up at her wife. “Isn’t it interesting, how everything is connected?” She dug her heels into River’s calves, and she arched her back, forcing River deeper inside of her. “D’you reckon you’ve got a prostate, too?”

“Not… sure,” River murmured. Her thrusting was getting erratic, and her face was getting redder, screwing up. “Oh, sweetie, _Doctor_...”

The Doctor reached up, cupping River’s breast, thumbing the nipple. She pinched it, just the way River liked it, and River went stock still over her. Her thumb was moving faster, and then her cock was pulsing inside of the Doctor. Her face went open and ugly, and then she was grabbing at the Doctor’s thigh, rubbing the Doctor’s clit faster.

The Doctor came, and River made a desperate little noise as her oversensitive cock was squeezed by the contractions of the Doctor’s cunt. The pleasure washed over her like a wave, and then she was limp and sweating on the bed, her chest heaving, sweat dripping down her ribs. 

“I didn’t know there would be any… discharge,” the Doctor mumbled, as River pulled out and flopped down on the bed next to her. There was fluid oozing out of her, smearing across her thighs. “I don’t _think_ I did that.”

“Nope, you didn’t,” said River. She shivered, and she lay on her side, tugging the Doctor closer. “That was all me.” She slid a finger down between the Doctor’s legs, tracing along the seam of the Doctor’s labia, swirling in her entrance to gather more wetness. “I didn’t realize how compelling it would be.”

The Doctor shivered, goosebumps rippling across her skin like waves in a pond. “Compelling?”

“I wanted - no, I _needed_ \- to come inside of you. To get as deep inside of you as possible.” River’s fingers moved up, pressing down gently on the Doctor’s vulva, then the soft skin under the Doctor’s navel. 

“It’s the way that tends to go,” the Doctor said sleepily. “Something in your body just… wants to make a baby.” 

“Lucky for us that isn’t going to happen,” River said, and her hand was on the Doctor’s belly now, her palm cupped over the flat planes of it. “You alright, love?” 

“Mmm,” the Doctor murmured. She was already half asleep. She tugged at River’s hand, pulling River closer. 

River snuggled in, and she nuzzled into the Doctor’s temple. Her cock was soft against the Doctor’s hip. “I’m going to have to go soon,” she murmured, and her voice rumbled through her chest. “I’m sorry.”

The Doctor sighed, and she nuzzled her face into River’s neck. “We’ll find each other again,” she said, her voice quiet, still floating in the post-orgasmic haze. “We always do.” 

River pressed a kiss to the top of the Doctor’s head, and cuddled in closer to her. The sound of her heart beating filled the Doctor’s head, and lulled her to sleep.

* * *

The Doctor woke up to an empty bed. An empty bed, and a note with a lipstick kiss. _Had to leave in a rush_ , it read. _I love you, sweetie. I’ll see you soon!_

The Doctor smiled, touched in spite of herself, and tried not to squash down any kind of disappointment. They’d see each other again… and even if they didn’t, it was a sweet memory to hold on to.

She almost believed herself, as she lay in the cold bed, her thighs sticky with dried come. 

* * *

The Doctor kneeled in front of one of the many toilets in the TARDIS, and she vomited so hard that she wanted to die. 

This body had been surprisingly resilient - she hadn't been sick like this since she was in her last body, in that incident with the Tilt-A-Whirl. And that hadn't been _consistent_ like this. This was the third time in about a week (as far as she could calculate time - it got a little fuzzy when she was in the Time Vortex for too long) and it seemed to… linger. She was weak, lethargic, and the smell of just about anything seemed to set her off. The TARDIS was at least feeling charitable - lots of rooms full of big squishy couches, lots of bathrooms for the Doctor to dash into last minute. 

She was hungry, too. When she wasn't vomiting, she seemed to be _starving_ , and her cravings were peculiar. She found herself in Istanbul in the seventies to get the perfect baklava, or the eighth moon of Nikaj for cherry-orange macarons. She was putting some weight on too, from all of the snacking. 

Ever since that night with River, she had been feeling… morose. It had been nice to spend time with her wife, nice in a way that she didn’t often afford herself.

The Doctor lay in bed - she had been consistently tired enough that she had a bed now! - and she missed River. It was almost novel, missing River. The two of them usually went their separate ways, meeting up when they could. It was the kind of marriage that suited both of them. The Doctor wasn't the sort to loll about in bed cuddling someone else's old shirt (possibly River’s, maybe Amy’s) and thinking wistfully of old times. 

Except she was now, apparently. 

"Didn't think I'd be so soppy," she said in the emptiness of her room, and then she rolled onto her side, curling up in a ball and pulling the blankets over her head. She was wearing an old pair of pajama pants from who knew how many regenerations ago, and her usual t-shirts. It didn't seem to go all the way down anymore, and there was a little exposed bit of belly between the hem of her shirt and the waistband of the pajamas. 

She'd have to look into that. 

Later. 

* * *

The Doctor sat at a cafe table on the boardwalk on Brighton Beach, and she drank tea through a sugar cube, watching the waves lap at the shore. It was late in the year, and the mist was coming off of the water. There was a sweet sort of melancholy to the place, and the Doctor let it sink into her bones. 

She had been spending a lot of time by herself lately. She knew, logically, that she needed company, that she got weird without it. And yet… well, it was nice to have time alone. In an odd way, she didn't feel as if she was alone. The usual desperate, yawning pit at the base of her gut that tended to yank at her was… if not gone, quieter than usual. 

Then there was the matter of the TARDIS. 

Her beloved, pain in the ass ship seemed to have decided to keep the Doctor away from _any_ kind of dangerous situation. She’d been planning to go to help with some peace talks, but the godforsaken blue box kept landing her in… well, everywhere else. She hadn’t been aiming for Coney Island - as much as she _liked_ Coney Island, she had been aiming for the third moon of Jupiter, where peace talks were starting to get testy. 

She took a bite out of her blintz, and she wriggled her toes in her boots. Maybe she’d take her shoes off, go stick her feet in the surf. Although the water here was filthy, but that was part of the charm. She’d be able to take a shower when she got home, right?

“When are you due?” The woman who ran the cafe sat down across from the Doctor, and she rested her elbows on the table. She was looking at the Doctor with a very… interested expression. 

“Due?” The Doctor stuffed another blintz into her mouth, and tried not to spill blueberry filling down the front of her shirt. 

The cafe owner looked down significantly at the Doctor’s middle, then the Doctor’s face. “I can always tell,” she said, and she sounded proud. 

“What,” the Doctor said. 

"Did you not know?" The cafe owner looked faintly skeptical. "No offense, ma'am, but you're starting to, uh..." She puffed her cheeks out, mimed a round stomach in front of her. 

"Mother," said a younger woman, and she came scuttling out, looking faintly sheepish. "I'm so sorry. My mother has no manners."

"I'm perfectly mannerable, thank you very much," said the cafe owner. 

"You don't just tell people that you think they're pregnant!" The daughter of the cafe owner looked incredibly frazzled. 

"I don't _think_ she's pregnant," said the cafe owner. "I _know_ she's pregnant."

"You can't tell that just by looking at someone," said the daughter of the cafe owner, and then she turned to the Doctor. "I am _so_ sorry for my mother, the blintzes are on the house." She grabbed the cafe owner by the arm, and began to tow her back into the restaurant. 

"I think it's gonna be a girl," the cafe owner called after the Doctor.

The Doctor stared down the length of her own body, and then she ate another blintz, because she was still hungry. There was no way she was pregnant. How could she be pregnant, the only person she'd had sex with in this body was River, and... oh.

Oh no. 

The Doctor groaned, and she put her face in her hands. "I don't have time for this," she told her plate of blintzes. Then she ate the rest of her plate, because waste not, want not.

* * * 

In the TARDIS medical bay, the Doctor gave herself a full scan. She'd been avoiding that for... well, for longer than she cared to admit. She sat on a table, topless, her braces dangling down her hips, and she ran the wand of the ultrasound across the slight swell of her belly. 

Okay, so she was a little bit rounder. A little bit. Not by much, and besides, bodies changed all the time. Even bodies she had been in for a long time did unexpected things sometimes, and she didn't remember ever being a woman before. She ran the wand over the round of her belly, and she heard the rapid double-throb of two hearts, beating away inside of her.

"Oh," the Doctor said, and she wasn't really sure what to say next. There were tears dripping down her face, and she didn't seem to know what to do with herself. They itched. She stared at the screen of the ultrasound, and she could barely make out the blobby shape that might have been a head. 

So she was pregnant. Pregnant by River. Pregnant by River, because of a stupid bio-engineered dildo, and how was she even going to _tell_ River? Was this supposed to happen? She hadn't thought it was a thing that was supposed to happen, she would have known, how could she have been this irresponsible, how could any of this happen, how - 

The Doctor's racing thoughts were cut off by a heave of queasiness, and then she was gagging, a hand over her mouth, and she nearly fell off of the exam table. She threw up in the sink, her head spinning, her tears itchy on her face, and then she sat on the floor and cried until it felt like there wasn't any water left in her body. She sighed, rubbing her face, and she stared up at the TARDIS ceiling.

"I don't know what to do, old friend," she said, and she ran a hand across the floor. "I've never... I don't know how to _begin_ with this." She was going to keep the baby - she knew that, instinctively. It probably would have been a smarter idea to get an abortion, put it all behind her, but this was her and River's baby, this was possibly the last of her kind. She cradled her belly in her hands, and she leaned back against the cabinets in front of the sink. Maybe she'd drop the baby off at a foundling hospital afterwards? Someplace where it could be safe, away from the Doctor's many enemies.

The TARDIS rumbled under her hand, and the lights flickered, then went back to normal. She sighed, scrubbed her face, and she stood up again, stretching. The ultrasound gel on her stomach was cold, and beginning to dry. She was hungry, and she needed to drink more water. 

"I'll figure out what to do in a bit," she murmured, and she leaned against the counter, still cradling her belly. "Let's get food, first." She was going to have to scan herself, to make sure it was River's, and not… well, who knew what. 

Over the course of her travels, she'd been involved in who knew how many hijinks. Maybe she had inhaled a people spore, or swallowed an egg with a glass of water?

… no, that didn't seem right. She had a feeling, deep inside, that this River's baby. She trusted her gut instinct, and she couldn’t get much more _gut_ than this, could she?

“What am I going to do?” She said, and she shivered. 

The TARDIS rumbled at her, and she was reassured in spite of herself.

* * *  
The Doctor ran more tests, just to be sure. She might have known in her guts, but it was nice to have some conclusive proof to point to. 

She peed in cups, she took blood tests, she did other things that were much more unpleasant. She found River's old hairbrush, the bristles tangled with curly blond hair, and she tried not to start crying.

She was _not_ going to be sappy over hair, or over River's shirt, which was _still_ in her bedroom, or over the fact that she was pretty sure she was going to end up finding her old cradle, for the baby. 

If she kept the baby.

Which she still wasn't sure about.

The Doctor stood in the medical bay, still topless, plasters on her fingertips where she'd tested blood, and tears dripped down her face as she carefully put a blond strand of hair into a beaker. She couldn't seem to stop crying, which was... annoying, and she was hungry, which was equally annoying, and the wave of exhaustion that was descending down onto her like an avalanche was possibly going to swallow her whole.

She needed some humans around, although the idea of having to explain any of this to her Fam was... well.

Embarrassing, to say the least. 

"I'll deal with it tomorrow," the Doctor said out loud, and she yawned, and made her way towards one of the kitchens. Or at least, she tried to. Her trousers had been shoved under the curve of her belly, and with her braces down, they were starting to droop down her legs.

Of course they were.

* * *

The Doctor dithered.

The test confirmed it was River's baby - she hadn't had any doubts, but at least now she had proof, right? 

She probably needed to find River, tell River. Talk to River about all of this. But what was she even going to _say_ , other than "I'm pregnant because of that sex toy, what are we going to do now?" and hope River didn't get too upset? She didn't even know why she was so embarrassed - in theory, they could talk about this like adults, deal with it however it needed dealing with, and go on with their lives. 

But there was some kind of gut clenching, cringing humiliation to being _knocked up_ , accidentally, because of a sex toy. The Doctor hadn't thought she would ever have any more children, and yet here she was, swelling like a balloon. 

She was sending the whole time stream into some kind of misalignment, and she didn't know what to do with herself. She kept traveling, going to all the safe places that the TARDIS was letting her stop by in. She tried to ignore the way her belly got bigger, the way the underside of it was inching over her thighs, the way she probably should have bought new trousers, new bras. 

Everything seemed to be swelling, getting rounder and softer. She didn't know how to navigate when her body was doing... all of this. She was off balance, emotionally and physically, and she was doing her best to act normally.

At least she'd been spending enough time around aliens that didn't know how pregnancy worked, so there was minimal fuss. She muddled along, the way she always had, and she did her best to ignore the fact that she was tired and sore, that she was getting bigger.

She didn't remember anything about Time Lord pregnancies was part of the problem. She didn't know milestones, she didn't know how to check if everything was healthy, didn't know if she was delayed. She would stare at herself in the mirror sometimes, looking at the great curve of her belly, cupping it in her hands, and she'd wonder if there was even a baby in there.

The ultrasounds showed the baby developing, at least, and she could hear the double heartbeat, a whooshing, thudding sound that filled the room, as she turned the volume up and stared, enraptured in spite of herself. 

* * *

The Doctor was pregnant enough that she couldn't see her feet, and she was trying to pilot the TARDIS. It was harder to do it when she couldn't dash about as much, and her back was aching. She sighed, as the TARDIS landed, and she leaned against the console, her palm rubbing over the swell of her belly through her t-shirts. 

She wasn't expecting the door to open. She very much wasn't expecting River to walk in. 

... She might have been hoping, in her hearts, but she could barely even admit it to herself.

“Sweetie?” River’s voice was plaintive. “The TARDIS has been sending me messages. Where are you?” 

River couldn't see her, around the crystal pillar in the center. The Doctor was struck with a wave of _shame_ \- she wanted to run, to get as far away from her wife as possible, to never let River see her like _this_ , swollen and awkward and -

"Doctor," said River, and there was the sound of her boots across the floor. "I can hear you breathing. Why haven't you said anything?"

"S'pose I don't have anything to say," the Doctor said, and she tried to keep herself from sounding too stiff, too standoffish. Was she angry? She looked down at her hands, and found them shaking. 

"You always have something to say to _me_ , sweetie," River said, and her tone was faintly wheedling. The Doctor poked her head around the crystal in the center, and she saw River standing there, looking as beautiful as she had the day they'd met.

River was wearing what looked like a trench coat, and a pair of leather pants. She had her hands stuffed into her pockets, and her hair was tucked up in a scarf, already spilling out. The Doctor wanted to run her fingers through it, wanted to press as close to River as she could and bury her face in River's neck, get herself drunk all River's pheromones, the warmth of River's skin, the familiarity of her beating heart.

"Well," the Doctor said.

"That's all I get?" River was _pouting_ now, and that wasn't fair, The Doctor could never resist River's pout.

"It's a bit less than what I got," the Doctor said, because even at a time like this, she couldn't resist making an entrance. She came out from behind the pillar, and she stood in front of River. The swell of her belly was just visible under her t-shirts, and it was poking out over the waistband of her trousers. 

River... stared. Her eyes were wide, and her mouth dropped open. The Doctor had to grin a bit in spite of herself, because it wasn't often that she got to strike River speechless. She watched River's mouth open and close, then took a little pity.

"D'you remember that toy?" The Doctor had one hand over her belly, and was rubbing it carefully. "The one -"

"Yeah," River said, interrupting. She looked slightly dazed. "But... it was a _toy_ , how would it do... that?" She was walking towards the Doctor now, slow and careful steps. "Wouldn't we have heard about how that worked by now?"

"There's always something new going on," the Doctor said absently. 

"You didn't think to tell me?" River's face was doing something complicated, and it was making the Doctor's stomach knot up in uncomfortable ways. 

"I was going to," the Doctor said. She could feel her lower lip begin to wobble. Oh _no_ , she wasn't going to start crying, she wasn't. She might have been a bit all over the place with all the hormones, but she wasn't going to start crying. 

River sighed, and she crossed her arms across her chest. Her posture was stiff, and she was frowning. "And you're sure that the baby is mine?" She indicated the Doctor's distended stomach. 

"Yes," the Doctor said promptly. "I haven't... been intimate with anyone else, and I've run tests."

"I'd like to run a few myself," River said. She still looked shaken, and it was making the Doctor's stomach twist up. 

"D'you not believe me?" The Doctor had wrapped her arms around herself now, squeezed herself tightly. She wasn't even aware she was crying until the first ticklish tears dripped down her chin, and then River was striding up to her. 

River's hands were on the Doctor's face, her thumbs stroking the Doctor's tears away. She pressed her forehead against the Doctor's, their noses alongside each other's. She tucked the Doctor's hair behind one ear, and she sighed. "I believe you," she said quietly. "I just... can't entirely believe it's happened."

"That you got me pregnant by accident?" The Doctor gave an awkward, hiccuping laugh. "You would think that would have come up by now, wouldn't you?" 

"What with one thing and another, yes," River agreed. She looked down to where the Doctor's belly pressed against her own. "How far along are you?"

"Since that night," the Doctor said, and she sniffed. She really wished she would stop crying. 

"Yes, but in your time, or in my time?" River wiped another tear off of the Doctor's face, and the Doctor sighed, leaning into it.

"My time," the Doctor said. "And Time Lord pregnancies are… complicated." She sighed, as River's hands went towards her belly, and took River's wrists in her own hands. "They're longer."

"I'm still mad at you," River said, although she didn't sound mad. "For not telling me."

"I was afraid," the Doctor said. "Am afraid." She sniffed.

River sighed, and she cupped the Doctor's cheek, her thumb tracing along the Doctor's cheekbone. "I am too, if it helps," she said. "Scared and mad." 

"You're feeling a lot of things," the Doctor said, and there were more tears dripping down her face.

"Not as many as you seem to be," said River. She smelled so familiar, like the oil she used in her hair and the lotion she used on her skin. 

"I didn't know I _had_ these many feelings," the Doctor admitted. "Well, no," she amended, and she gave a snuffly, wet little laugh. "I knew I had a lot of feelings, but I didn't think they'd all be coming out at once. Out of my face." Her nose was running, and she was _sticky_. 

"That's how it can be sometimes," River said. Her hands were moving down, to rest on the curve of the Doctor's belly. "I never saw this coming," she admitted. Her hands seemed to fit perfectly, and they were so _warm_ , even through the Doctor's clothes. 

"I didn't either," the Doctor said, and then she made a startled noise, and clutched at River.

"Is something the matter?" River's eyes were on the Doctor's face, her eyes wide.

"I think... I think it just moved," the Doctor said. Her voice was hushed. "I think _she_ just moved." There was another nudge inside of her, barely noticeable. 

"What, really?" River's own eyes were wide. "Maybe she knows her mummy... her other mummy?"

"This is complicated," the Doctor complained, and she rested her forehead against River's. The tension that she had been carrying between her shoulders seemed to be easing, _finally_. She took a deep breath, and she let herself be held. 

"Everything is," River said, and her hands traveled along the Doctor's belly. "Have you... can we do the scan?" She cleared her throat, and then she was pulling back. The Doctor already missed the warmth of her body. 

"Right," said the Doctor. "Of course." Then; "Wait, the TARDIS called you?"

"Right," said River. She was going over to the console, trailing her fingers along it. "She's changed again, I see."

"A bit of a change does you good," the Doctor said. She sighed, leaning against the TARDIS console as well. Her back was starting to hurt again - she really needed to figure out a way to deal with that. She was used to powering through all her various aches and pains, but this was... well, different. 

"You look horrible," River said, although her tone was surprisingly sweet. "Are you getting enough sleep?"

"I'm getting so much sleep," the Doctor said, and then she yawned. 

"Come on," said River, and she held her hand out to the Doctor. "Let's go to the medical bay, and then we can have a rest."

The Doctor took her wife's hand. She squeezed it tightly, and she sighed when River squeezed back. 

* * *

"Well," said River, some time later. She got a paper towel out of the little dispenser, and began to wipe the gel off of the Doctor's bare belly. "That settles it." Her hands were shaking, and the Doctor was having a bit of trouble reading her face. 

"We're having a baby," the Doctor said. Her voice cracked, and she flushed. 

"We are," River said. Her hand was on the Doctor's belly again, rubbing soothing circles. "I'll stay with you." 

"You can't stay forever," the Doctor said quietly, because... well. 

She was emotional enough right now. She didn't need to go down that road. 

"I can stay as long as you need me to," said River. She tucked a piece of hair behind the Doctor's ear, and her eyes were very bright.

The Doctor took River's hand in her own, pressing her cheek into River's palm. Then she yawned, wide enough that her jaw cracked. 

River chuckled, and she stroked the Doctor's cheekbone with her thumb. "You look dead on your feet," she said. "Let's get you to bed."

"Right," said the Doctor. She was almost... detached, and she was floating, so tired all of a sudden. Maybe having all of her feelings all at once was just getting to her. 

* * *

The Doctor undressed with her back to River, slipping into an old pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. Her belly bulged a lot more visibly in this outfit, and she kept pulling her shirt down, to hide the sliver of belly that was showing. She crawled into bed, curled on her side, one hand on her belly, and she sighed, letting her eyes slide shut.

"Would you rather I didn't sleep with you?" River's voice had a slightly anxious quality to it, and the Doctor rolled onto her side, looking over the bed to see her wife standing there, still fully dressed, looking faintly uncomfortable. "If -"

"No," the Doctor said, and she was surprised at the fervency in her own voice. "No, please. I'd like... I'd like you to stay. With me. Here. In bed." She cleared her throat. "I'm making this awkward, aren't I?" 

"A little bit," River said, and she was getting out of her own clothes, pulling her shirt up and off, unclipping her bra and tossing it to the side. She wriggled out of her trousers, and then she was climbing into bed with the Doctor, the mattress dipping down with the weight of her. "How are you holding up?"

"You make it sound like someone died," the Doctor said, as the lights went dim around the two of them, and then River's hand crept out, resting on top of the Doctor's.

"It _is_ a big life change," River said. 

"I've been a parent before," the Doctor said, and her voice was very quiet. 

One of River's legs came out, and her foot rested against the Doctor's leg, her toes curling against the Doctor's ankle. "Do you... what are you going to do?"

"I don't know," the Doctor said, and she curled onto her side, tucking her back against River's front. "I usually have some kind of... plan, but this is all so unexpected. I never saw myself in this place, because, well..."

"Right," said River. Her breath was warm on the side of the Doctor's neck, and her hand was resting delicately on the Doctor's hip. Her breasts were very soft against the Doctor's back, and her legs were tangling with the Doctor's. "I'll stay with you as long as I can."

"Thank you," the Doctor said, and she sighed. She was relaxing in spite of herself, letting River's familiar presence relax her. 

"Is there anything else I can do? For you, I mean." River's hands were running up and down the Doctor's sides now, gentle enough that it was almost ticklish.

A little ember of arousal was beginning to flicker to life in the pit of the Doctor's stomach, and the baby shifted, just enough for the Doctor to feel it. She wasn't sure if that was spurring the arousal on, or making her faintly queasy. 

"I'm fine," the Doctor said, covering River's hand and pushing it off of herself.

"Right," said River. She sounded faintly hurt, as she leaned over and kissed the Doctor on the temple, then rolled onto her back. 

The Doctor sighed, and she closed her eyes. Exhaustion was already sinking its claws into her, dragging her down into the deep, dark pit of sleep.

* * *

The Doctor woke up at some unknown time later, and she knew the TARDIS was happy. She didn't know how she knew, exactly, except that when she swung her feet down onto the floor of her room, it had a thick carpet now. The softness of the carpet almost caressed her feet, and she sighed, letting herself luxuriate in it. She could smell something - something cooking, maybe? Did River cook? The Doctor didn't remember River cooking.

She took her time getting dressed - her trousers were a bit too tight now, and she didn't have a different pair. It might have been easier if she was willing to wear a dress, but... that felt like a step too far. She wasn't sure what _kind_ of step, per se, but a step.

She ended up in a pair of pajama pants, and a t-shirt. She wrapped herself in a dressing gown, which covered the sliver of belly that was revealed where her shirt rode up. She finished the look with bunny slippers that had been gifted to her by a companion who knew how long ago, which were inexplicably just... sitting there. Maybe River had put them there, or maybe the TARDIS was just in a mood. She had noticed that it had been a lot more... pushy lately, trying to keep her from dangerous places, stocking the fridge with healthier foods. 

"You're getting doting in your old age, friend," the Doctor told the TARDIS, as she followed her nose towards one of the many kitchens scattered about the face.

"You'd better not be talking about me," said River, from her spot by the big kitchen table.

“You _are_ doting on me,” the Doctor pointed out, as she made her way towards the table. 

“I haven’t had a wife in a while,” River said, and she set a plate on the table in front of the Doctor. “I thought I’d enjoy the chance.”

The Doctor looked down at the plate in front of her. “Did you make this?” She’d… experienced River’s cooking in the past. She didn’t know if she could put up with it just yet.

“Nope,” River said, and she sat down across from the Doctor, her elbows on the table, her chin in her hands. “I went to that one place in Iran, from the seventies.”

"I see," said the Doctor, and she looked down at the steaming plate of food in front of her. She hadn't been eating much lately - she'd scarfed things down on whatever planet she'd been on, but there hadn't been many chances to seek things out.

Or maybe she'd just been hiding. Her clothes still didn't fit her right, and she didn't want to be _seen_ like this. 

But the food in front of her was _perfect_ , and she was eating it so quickly that she was getting sauce down the front of her shirt, dribbling grease across the swell of her belly. She smiled at River, when she'd finished her portion, and she was eyeing River's own portions. "This is perfect," she told River. "How did you know?"

"I like to think I'm pretty good at reading you," River said, and she smiled back. "And I remember your favorites. It seems it was just lucky that I hit a jackpot on the first go."

The Doctor licked some garlic sauce off of the back of her hand, and she blushed, looking down at her hands. "Thanks," she said quietly. The baby inside of her shifted, and she resisted the urge to rub her belly. 

"I meant what I said," River said. "That I'd stay as long as you needed me to."

"Don't you have heists to go off on, people to marry, diamonds to steal?" The Doctor tried to keep any bitterness out of her voice. She wasn't even sure _what_ she was bitter about. 

"Are _you_ complaining about me going off and having adventures without you?" River raised an eyebrow.

There was some kind of feeling welling up inside of the Doctor's chest. She was faintly surprised to find that it was rage. Huh. Where had that come from? She'd been fine just a moment ago. "You got me pregnant," she reminded River. "There's a difference between -"

"No," River said, and she stood up. She was holding a hand up, and the look on her face was unreadable, but it was making the Doctor nervous. "No, _you_ do not get to complain about me leaving you. I wouldn't have left if I had known that..." She trailed off, her eyes tracing the curve of the Doctor's belly. "I can't say the same for you," she added, and that was enough of a sting that it made the food the Doctor had just eaten curdle in her stomach.

"You think I'd just leave you, if I knew you were having my baby?" The Doctor was going very cold. She'd gone cold with rage before, and it was an... unsettling sensation, to be sure. Her hands were balled into fists, and her hearts were beating very loudly in her ears. 

"You don't have the best history with staying around," River said. 

"Yes, but this would be... different," the Doctor said. "Is different." She ran her hand along her belly, and she wasn't sure why she was feeling so upset, and yet. She couldn't seem to turn it off. She'd never been the best at accessing her emotions, but these seemed to be so much _more_.

"It's not," said River. "I didn't know that you were pregnant. If I'd known, I'd have stayed." Her hands were balled into fists. "Sweetie, I think -"

"I think you should go," the Doctor said, and she was faintly shocked at herself, even as the words fell out of her mouth. 

"What?" River sounded nonplussed. 

"Go," the Doctor said. "Leave. Go back to whatever it was you were doing, and leave me alone."

"Doctor, I can't just..." River trailed off, and then she straightened her back, squaring her shoulders. "Fine." She rubbed her hands together, and then she was striding past the Doctor. "Fine," she said, and her voice wafted down the hallway like a trail of smoke.

_Wait_ , the Doctor wanted to call after her, or maybe _I'm being dumb, but I can't stop, can you fix it?_ But none of that came out of her mouth. She sat at the kitchen table, as tears dripped down her face. She heard the distinct sound of the front door of the TARDIS closing, and then she clutched at herself, more tears pouring out of her. She sobbed like her heart was breaking, and then she was stumbling upright, rushing towards the sink.

The Doctor vomited into the sink, and then she slid down to the floor, sitting awkwardly with her back against the cabinet under the sink, her head tilted back against it. 

The TARDIS made a reproachful noise, and the Doctor snorted. "You always take her side," she said, in her croaking, just-been-sick voice. 

The Doctor rubbed her face, and she sighed. Her cheeks were sticky, and her nose was running. She’d felt more disgusting over the course of her life, but not by much. “Cocked that one up,” she said to the empty air, and the TARDIS grumbled at her again. “You don’t need to add your commentary,” the Doctor grumbled, and she sighed. “But I’ll be fine,” she said, and she stood up, trying not to grumble at how much her back and her knees ached. “It’ll be fine. It’ll be better than fine, it’ll be _brilliant_.” 

* * *

It was surprisingly difficult for the Doctor to be enthusiastic, without someone to perform for. Maybe she was performing for the baby, if she thought about it like that.

She didn’t want to think about it like that.

The baby wasn’t a baby yet. It was just… a collection of cells. It was like gas, only bigger. She could keep her life up like it was - that had been the problem, hadn’t it? She’d just been too absorbed in all of it. She just had to keep going. 

She’d go see the fam… eventually. When she’d sorted this out.

However she did.

* * *

She didn’t know how far along she was, exactly, when she landed on the rainy planet. The baby was moving pretty regularly now - moving enough that sometimes she could see it, pushing her skin up. It was, quite honestly, somewhat unsettling. She was still ill at ease in her body, as it grew rounder, heavier - it would have been nice to have some _time_ in it, before it started changing. Settle in. It made sense to actually move into a place before you started doing renovations.

Then again, she didn't ever do things the normal way. 

The Doctor walked along the wet path, and she wished she'd brought rain boots. There had been a distress call coming from here, something about needing a diplomat for negotiation. She was good at negotiation, and even she had to admit that she wasn't good for much in the way of running these days. 

She wished she knew when the baby was _due_ \- when she tried to run the various tests on it, she got different readings every time. It was a little bit like when Amy had been pregnant, with everything out of alignment. 

At least the baby seemed to be healthy. Healthy, and keeping the Doctor awake, keeping the Doctor hungry, making the Doctor's back hurt. The Doctor had cautiously extended her telepathy into her own body, and she'd felt the beginnings of a mind, but... nothing there yet. Anyway, what was she going to say to the baby? 

"Please stop kicking against my bladder would be a good start," the Doctor mumbled, and she groaned as the baby nudged against something internal. Was this what it felt like to be the TARDIS? She was more sympathetic, these days. 

There was a big building on the edge of a river bank, and there was a good deal of shouting coming out of it. 

Well. 

At least the Doctor knew where she was needed. With a sigh, she began to make her way towards the building. Time to turn on the charm, do some diplomacy.

* * * 

It turned out to be a complicated issue. Of course it was a complicated issue, these sorts of things were never simple. Generally, when things were simple, people sorted them out themselves. 

There were territory disputes, there were family rivalries that wouldn't have looked out of place out of some old Earth epic, and there was some good old fashioned prejudice.

The Doctor did her best. It helped that all parties apparently believed in the "sacred feminine," and something about the Doctor being pregnant intimidated them. She managed to get all parties to stop shouting at each other, at least, but by then there was so much tension in the air, she needed to get out. 

"I'm gonna call a recess for half an hour," she said, and the two different sides (one vaguely feline, one vaguely canine) both nodded reluctantly. "We can continue our discussion afterwards."

"Is there anything I can get you?" A very tall dog man was looking down at her nervously, and she shifted in her seat, as the baby kicked her again, right in the ribs. 

"Just need some fresh air," said the Doctor, and she made her way out, into the cloudy, misty day. 

It was cool here, at least, cool and damp. She had been overheating more lately, and she sighed, rubbing a hand over her belly and looking idly down at the river below her. It was slow and lazy, incredibly muddy. It didn't even look particularly deep - she probably could have waded out, and it would only be up to her thighs. Did it count as a river, if it was that shallow? 

The Doctor leaned over, looking closer. What was the difference between a river and a stream?

The riverbank must have been unstable, because as she leaned forward, she felt something shifting under her feet. Before she had a chance to even react (her body was just so _slow_ like this) the mud was collapsing, and she was falling down the steep embankment.

There was a sickening jolt against her belly, and she twisted herself over, cradling it. She was gasping as she kept falling, but her back and her sides were taking most of the impact. She was in the water now, and it was deeper than she had thought, deeper and there was thick, sucking mud that was pulling at her boots. She flailed, and bits of her mind were awash in panic. 

_I can't let anything happen to the baby_ , was her first thought, then; _I miss River._ She was struggling to stay above water, gasping, and then there was shouting over her, and the sound of loud splashes.Two different pairs of large, hairy arms were bearing her up. She was gasping and sputtering, weighed down by mud, by her boots, by her bloated, uncooperative body. She let herself be carried onto the bank, trying to help, then giving up when she was bodily lifted onto the river bank.

Someone slapped the Doctor on the back, and she gasped, then leaned forward, and she was coughing up muddy water, wheezing and choking. There was a cat man leaning against her, holding her up, and there was a dog woman slapping her back firmly. When she could finally breathe without choking, she noticed more people standing around her, all of them looking concerned. 

“See?” The Doctor wheezed, and she had both hands on her belly now, and it was tender. The baby was shifting, just a bit, which meant it was probably okay, the baby was okay, it had to be okay, what was she going to do if the baby _wasn’t_ okay, she couldn’t even consider that right now. She rocked herself, rocked the baby, and there were tears dripping down her face. “You can cooperate.” 

There was a lot of talking going around her, but she wasn't paying it much attention. She was sending her thoughts down to the baby - she needed to do a full scan, she needed to make sure that it hadn't been injured. Her own body was sore, throbbing, all the individual bruised spots like little tender craters across her skin, but none of that mattered, none of it mattered at all because she had to protect the _baby_.

"Consider this a sign," the Doctor said, looking up into all of the eyes looking down at her. "You can band together, when you need to. You can protect what's important." She stood up, slowly, and she was being supported on either side. "Thank you. You've... you've helped me put something in perspective. And you're going to be alright." She gave pats on backs and shoulders, and then she paused. "Would you be willing to help me back to my ship?"

* * *

The Doctor sat in her medical bay, still covered in mud, and she ran an ultrasound wand over her belly, her shirts pushed up over the swell of it. She could see the baby shifting inside of her, the way its little fists were closed, each little toe. The hearts were both beating strong and healthy, and she sighed, scrubbing her face. It was sticky with tears and mud - all of her was muddy, and she was beginning to shiver. She was going to need to shower, going to need to start treating the bruises, but she was just so _tired_ , and doing anything but turning off the ultrasound and then sitting down heavily on the big, squashy couch felt like too much effort. She let her eyes slide closed, and the last thing she remembered was the sound of the TARDIS grumbling reassurances at her. 

* * *

The Doctor was woken up by hands on her face. She jolted, her eyes flying open, and found herself staring straight into River's face. 

"What did you _do_ to yourself?" River sounded faintly impressed. Also angry. It was an interesting combination. 

"I fell into a river," the Doctor said, faintly dazed. "How did you get here?"

"The TARDIS showed up in my flat," River said. "I got the feeling that you needed me."

"Are we meeting in the right order?" The Doctor's head was throbbing, and she was stiff with mud. 

"The last time I saw you we'd had a pretty big fight," said River, and now she looked sheepish. She was crouching over the Doctor, carefully mopping up the Doctor's face with a handkerchief. "You were pregnant then, too."

"Oh," said the Doctor. "So this isn't a surprise?"

"You look like you crawled out of a pit," River said. 

"I mean, I sort of did," said the Doctor. She sighed, as River carefully wiped dried mud off of her cheeks. "The bank of the river collapsed and I fell in..."

"You need to be more careful," River scolded. Then, quieter; "I'm sorry I just left like that."

"I did tell you to leave," the Doctor pointed out. She winced, as the baby kicked against a particularly tender spot. The skin bulged out from under her t-shirt, and River's eyes went wide. 

"She's moving a lot," River said. "So she's...alright?"

The Doctor nodded, and she sighed as River's hands came to rest on her belly. "I checked," she told River quietly. "Everything is okay. _She's_ okay." 

"I'm not going anywhere," River said, and she leaned in, pressing her forehead against the Doctor's. "I know... I know I said that before, and then I left." She cleared her throat - she looked embarrassed. "I panicked," she admitted. "I don't have any experience with being a parent, or with babies in general." She sighed. "What with one thing and another, I don't think I'd make a very good..." She paused, frowning. "Would I be a dad? Or a mum?"

"I have no idea," the Doctor said, and she covered River's hand with her own, pressing it a little harder into the tight skin of her belly. There was a twinge, as a bruise was prodded, but she ignored it. "I don't know if I'll be any good, either. If that helps."

River snorted. "We should get you cleaned up," she told the Doctor. "You look dead on your feet."

"I'm sitting down," the Doctor said, and then she yawned, wide enough that her jaw cracked.

"Come on," said River, and she helped the Doctor stand up. "Let's get you washed up."

"I should be okay," the Doctor mumbled, and she yawned, still swaying.

River took the Doctor by the shoulder, and she began to lead her down a corridor.

"There isn't a bathroom down this way," the Doctor mumbled, and she yawned again. How was she so _tired_ all of a sudden? She had just woken up. 

"There is," River said, and she opened a door, seemingly at random. 

"It isn't fair that the TARDIS likes you better," the Doctor said accusingly, as the two of them walked into an expansive bathroom. There were big mirrors along the sides, and the Doctor flinched when she saw her own reflection, echoed back at her. 

"She doesn't like me better," said River, and she was all business as she began to tug at the Doctor's shirts. They were still sticky with ultrasound gel against the belly, and she shivered, but lifted her arms when River began to pull it up. 

"She does." The Doctor was avoiding her own reflection, looking down at herself. She was caked in mud, and she could already see the beginnings of purple bruises on her belly, her sides, her legs. 

River sighed, and she cupped the Doctor's face in her hands, her thumbs pressing against the Doctor's cheekbones. "Are you alright, sweetie?" Her voice was tentative.

"You left," the Doctor said, her voice quiet. "It was... understandable the first time, you didn't know why I'd want you to stay, apart from how much I normally'd like you to stay, but you left me, and then you came back, and you left again." The Doctor's hands were rubbing over her belly, and she was barely noticing the little flashes of pain as she prodded a bruise. "And it's been lucky we've run into each other in the right order in the first place..." She hated how her voice was breaking. "And I'm supposed to be -"

"You're not _supposed_ to be anything," River cut in. "You're the Doctor. You've done plenty already." She tucked a piece of the Doctor's hair behind one ear, and her expression softened. "I'm sorry I ran," she said, and she sounded genuinely regretful. "I shouldn't have done that. I... don't know how to be a parent. " She snorted. "I barely know how to be a wife." 

"You're an excellent wife," the Doctor protested. "Especially considering our circumstances." She rested her hands on River's hips, and now they were pressed closer together. The baby kicked against River's belly, and River made a surprised noise. 

"Oh," she said, and she looked down. "She -"

"Yeah," the Doctor said, wincing. "I felt it, too."

River sighed, and she rested her hands on top of the Doctor's belly, her expression rapturous. "I won't go," she said quietly. "I promise. I'm sorry I left, but I won't again."

"And I won't ask you to," said the Doctor, and then she cleared her throat, and covered River's hands with her own. "I should be able to wash off myself," she added, and she glanced around - she didn't recognize this particular bathroom. The shower looked to be big enough to hold five people, and the lights were golden around them, giving everything a faintly dreamlike haze. 

"I want to do a full medical scan," River said, rubbing her hands together and stepping back. She was beginning to unbutton her shirt. "I'm worried you may have sprained something, or gotten a concussion."

"I'm not concussed," the Doctor said, and she began to fiddle with the fastenings of her trousers. "I'd know if I was concussed."

" _Did_ you run a full medical scan?" River took her shirt off, then unclipped her bra. She let it crumple to a heap on the floor beside her, and the Doctor ogled in spite of herself. River's beasts were as gorgeous as always, and the Doctor was hit with an intense longing to hold them in her hands. 

"I checked on the baby," the Doctor said. "I figured I'd be able to sort myself out." She let her trousers fall down around her ankles, stepped out of them, then caught River's eyes looking her up and down, and tried not to flush. "I know I'm... I know it's not the nicest thing to see, me being this big," the Doctor said in a rush. "I'd say that I'm sorry but -"

"I wasn't complaining," River said, and she kissed the Doctor on the mouth, heedless of the mud. It was a sweet, gentle kiss, and when she pulled back, the Doctor was clutching at her shoulders and trembling.

"I barely got time to get used to my body," the Doctor said, and she hated the way she was shaking. She was just so _emotional_ these days, all those hormones running through her. "Now it's changing."

"Oh, sweetie," River said, and she kissed the Doctor's forehead. "Let's get you cleaned up." She tugged on the hem of the Doctor's shirt, pulling it up and off. Then she frowned, looking at the Doctor's bare breasts. "Have you not been wearing a bra?" She took the Doctor's breasts into her hands, gently, and the Doctor tried not to squirm. She wasn't sure why she was so embarrassed, exactly - it wasn't as if River had seen much of her body before it had changed. 

More hormonal weirdness, probably. 

"My old ones don't fit anymore," the Doctor said, and she frowned. "Most of my clothes don't fit much, honestly."

River looked heavenward, as if she was seeking strength. She put her hands on either side of the Doctor's face, and looked deeply into her wife's eyes. "You are pregnant," she told the Doctor. "We'll get you new clothes."

"I don't know... I mean..." The Doctor made an annoyed noise, rubbing her hands over her face. Some of the dried mud flaked off of her arms. "I'm used to getting clothes for... utility. Not having to think about my body changing so much. I may get _bigger_ , and then what?"

"Then we'll get you more clothes," River said gently. "But first, let's have a shower." She brushed more mud off of the Doctor's face, wrinkling her nose. "How deep was this river?"

"Pretty deep," said the Doctor. "I got saved, at least." She was swaying on her feet, exhaustion clattering down on her head. "By a... oh, nuts, I can't remember what they're called." She made a vague hand motion. "Very big. Very big and hairy."

River took her by the hand, and the Doctor let herself be pulled into the shower. She was tired and... biddable, and it was simpler to just do what River wanted. It was nice, to let River take the reins for a bit. Everything was faintly fuzzy around the edges, and it was a bit like she was existing a few feet to the left of herself. River was concentrating on getting the water on, and the Doctor let it drum down on her head, filling her mind with white noise. 

River's hands were gentle, as she rubbed a washcloth covered in peppermint soap across the Doctor's shoulders. "We should probably have some down time," she told the Doctor, and she was using circular motions to wash the mud off. The water sluicing down the drain was dark, with little bits of plant matter attached. The mud had been... richer than she had realized. 

"I've been trying to do downtime," the Doctor murmured. She tilted her head forward, and the water pressure was especially satisfying against her shoulders. "I'm just not good at it."

"You can get better," said River, as she began to wash the Doctor's back. She pressed in close, and her nipples were hard against the Doctor's own. "It's a skill, like anything else.'

"You're not so good at it yourself," the Doctor murmured. She could feel the drowsiness tugging at the edges of her eyes. She wanted to close them, wanted to sink into the velvety darkness of sleep and wake up rested. She wanted to wrap herself around River, take in the familiar scent and feel of her wife all around her. 

"We can get better," River said, and she patted the Doctor on the shoulder. "Turn around, please. I'll do your back."

The Doctor turned around, her hands flat on the tile. She leaned forward, and her belly was like a great dome in front of her, pressing against the cold tile. She shivered, and she closed her eyes. The memory of River on top of her slid into her mind, River's cock slipping into her as easy as a secret. She shivered at the familiar rush of heat centered low and deep in her belly, and she clenched her thighs. 

_What if River fucked me here, right now?_ The Doctor could almost feel River's fingers sliding into her, even as River ran the washcloth along her back, gentle of all the bruising. 

The Doctor had been aroused now and again, in an abstract sort of way. It had been a restless, twitchy sort of energy that she had mostly tried to ignore. She was still getting used to navigating her new body when it had started changing - she didn't even know how to deal with it when it was... well, like _this_. Was it even her own body anymore?

“I’ve met other versions of you, did you know that?” Rivers fingers gently dug into the Doctor’s back. “God, you’re stiff. You feel like a plank of wood.” 

“My back hurts all the time,’ the Doctor mumbled, and she might have been playing up the pitifulness for sympathy, but not _that_ much.

“D’you want a back rub?” River’s thumbs dug into the Doctor’s back, and the Doctor moaned. It echoed through the shower, and then River pressed closer, her breasts against the Doctor’s back, her mouth hot and wet on the Doctor’s neck, somehow more humid than the steam surrounding them. She was missing the bruises, although there were still some sore spots getting prodded. 

“If you’re too good at it, I might collapse,” the Doctor said. “I’m… so tired.” She yawned, and she was still sagging against the shower wall. 

“Let’s get you scanned,” River said, pressing a kiss to the back of the Doctor’s head, then standing up full and tugging the Doctor upright as well. “We’ll make sure everything is fine, and then you can get some sleep.” 

* * *

The Doctor fell asleep on the scanning table. She was faintly amazed at that - it wasn't as if the thing was particularly comfortable. At least she didn’t need to be awake for it, and the baby seemed to have settled down.

"Against all odds, you seem to be alright," River said, after she'd shaken the Doctor awake. "So the riverbank you were on just... collapsed?" 

"Yep," the Doctor murmured. She was wearing a dressing gown, which didn't close all the way. Her back ached, her breasts ached, her head pounded. She wasn't sure if she was hungry or if she was just... needing some kind of stimulus, but her whole _everything_ seemed to be off kilter. She was too tired to care.

* * *

River opened a door, and they were in the Doctor's bedroom. The current Doctor's bedroom, since she changed rooms with every regeneration, and of _course_ River had been able to find it. "You need to sleep," she told the Doctor.

The Doctor made a vague agreement noise, shrugging out of the robe. She was still self conscious about her pregnant body - how could she not be, as changed as it was? - but River had seen it by now. It wasn't some big shock anymore, it was just the way things were now, and if River wasn't recoiling, it was a good sign, right?

"D'you want me to sleep with you?" River watched as the Doctor slowly made her way into the bed, sinking down into and pulling the blankets over herself. Her belly was like a mountain range under the blankets, and she smoothed her hands over it. 

"Yeah," said the Doctor, surprising herself. "I... missed you. A lot." There was something especially embarrassing about saying it _now_ , after... well, everything else. She watched as River quickly disrobed, her eyes darting between River's lovely breasts, her face, the curve of her hips. She was so beautiful. 

"I missed you too," River said. She turned the light off, and then she was slipping into bed, close enough that they were almost touching. Her hand came around, to rest on top of the Doctor's. "I always miss you, when we're not together."

That... stung, more than a bit, but the Doctor turned her hand over, lacing their fingers together. "We're here now," she said, and her voice was quiet in the equally quiet room. The TARDIS thrummed around them, and the Doctor let it lull her to sleep. 

* * *

In her big bed, the Doctor dreamed. She dreamed that she was in an avalanche, only the snow was warm and dry, but it was still snow, somehow. In the dream she was covered in snow, and she was floundering to get out of it, only now the snow was turning into water, and she was in the river again, flailing and trying to get her head above the water. It was getting in her mouth, the hot mud filling her mouth, her nose, her -

"Doctor!" 

The Doctor started, and then she was awake, panting. She was lying on her back, and the baby was moving inside of her, an elbow or a knee nudging against her belly, pressing against her ribs. River was next to her, a hand on the curve of her belly, and the Doctor took comfort in that point of contact. 

"Are you alright?" River rubbed soothing circles on the Doctor's belly, and the baby kicked against her palm. 

"Yeah," the Doctor said, and she was faintly surprised to find herself trembling. "I had an... intense dream." 

"Do you want to talk about it?" River leaned in closer, until her breasts were pressed against the Doctor's arm. 

"I was drowning," the Doctor said, "which makes sense,since I _was_ drowning. Sort of." The Doctor shivered. "I've been... I've been feeling like I'm drowning. Since before I fell into that river, it's all been a lot." She made a choked off noise, cleared her throat. "Considering all the other things I've been through, isn't it funny that this is what I'm the most scared of?" The Doctor was trembling, which was a bit of a shock. 

She used to be a lot less... easily shaken, before all of this. She seemed to be losing some of her edge. If she ever had an edge. Did she? 

"You're making a person," River said, her voice gentle. "That would have an impact on anyone."

"I just don't understand how we didn't _know_ about all of this," said the Doctor, and she reached out, clutching at River. "We know so many other things about you and me, but -"

River covered the Doctor's lips with her finger. "Spoilers," she said softly.

The Doctor kissed River’s finger, then River’s palm, River’s wrist. She liked the way River shivered against her, the way River’s toes curled against her calves. She was already sinking back down into the velvety darkness of sleep, and she was comforted by the warmth of the woman beside her.

* * *

The Doctor woke up, and the bed was empty. It was empty, but the spot next to her was still warm. _She left again_ , said some anxious, screaming part of her mind that had gotten louder since she’d gotten pregnant. 

It was silenced by the sound of a door opening, and then River was making her way back into the bedroom, picking her way across the scattering of clothes and miscellaneous _stuff_ that riddled the the floor of the Doctor’s bedroom like so many landmines. Her hair was like a cloud around her head, and it seemed to shine in the dimness.

“I thought you’d gone again,” the Doctor said, and she tried to keep her tone teasing, hiding any actual anxiety. The TARDIS hadn’t put any fake windows in here, and the only light was leaking out from under the door. 

“I said I wasn’t going to,” River said, and she flopped onto the bed beside the Doctor. “If you shout at me again, I might just go deeper into the TARDIS.” 

“We’re already pretty deep into the TARDIS,” the Doctor pointed out. She rolled onto her side, and for once she wasn’t bothered by how her belly stuck out in front of her. It helped that River was looking at her with that same slightly devilish look that she’d worn the night the Doctor had gotten pregnant. 

“We could go deeper,”River said, and her hand rested on the side of the Doctor’s belly. 

The baby nudged against her hand, and River’s expression went somewhere between rapturious and terrified.

“I think she likes it when you talk to her,” the Doctor said, her voice quiet. She cupped River’s cheek, and River leaned her face into it, nuzzling into the Doctor’s palm. 

“Yeah? Can you feel her mind?” River pressed down, and she managed to press down on a bruise. The Doctor hissed, and River made a sympathetic noise. “Does it hurt?”

“It hurts a decent amount, yeah,” the Doctor said. “Seems like falling off of a riverbank isn’t very good for me.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” River said, her voice deadpan. “But can you feel her mind?” She seemed especially invested in that.

“A little bit,” said the Doctor. “I can feel the… shape of it, sort of. She doesn’t have much in the way of thoughts yet.” 

River shimmied down, and she pressed her face against the Doctor’s rounded belly, her forehead pressed into the bruised skin. “Did she miss me?” Her lips were moving against the Doctor, and the Doctor squirmed. Her nipples were getting hard, her cunt clenching around nothing. 

She hadn’t had an orgasm since she’d stopped being able to see her feet, and her body was reminding her of that, very loudly. 

“I don’t know,” the Doctor said, electing for honesty instead of sentiment. “I was really mad at you. Only.. .not just mad. Also other things.” She shivered, as River kissed her belly again, resting a cheek against it. “I know I’ve always had so many feelings, but I don’t remember them being half so… muddled. Or all _there_ , at the surface. Only not at the surface at the same time.” 

River chuckled. “You’re a mess of contradictions, you are,” she told the Doctor, and she kissed the Doctor on a spot over her navel, then gently shoved the Doctor over. The Doctor ended up flat on her back, with River resting between her spread thighs. 

“Everyone is,” the Doctor murmured. She had her fingers in River’s hair now, gently twisting it around and around her fingers. 

“Have you set up a nursery yet?” River kissed the underside of the Doctor’s belly, and her hands were skating up and down the insides of the Doctor’s thighs. 

The Doctor was forcing her muscles to relax, trying not to clench up, trying not to cover up. This was River. She trusted River more than she trusted almost anyone else in the universe. Certainly more than she trusted herself about certain things. 

“No,” the Doctor said. “I was… I suppose I’ve just been too busy.”

“We’ll do that soon,” River said, and there was a pause. “If… if you’re keeping her, I mean.” She cleared her throat, and her cheek was pressed into the Doctor’s belly again, breath gusting over it. More goosebumps were rising up and down the Doctor’s back, along her legs. River’s fingers seemed to be moving at a snail’s pace, so close and yet so far to exactly where the Doctor wanted them. 

“I think… I mean…” The Doctor clutched at River’s hair, and found herself to be shaking so hard that her teeth were starting to chatter. She was going to say something pithy, something clever, but more tears were dripping down into her ears, and then she was crying again, and she couldn’t seem to stop.

“Oh,” RIver said, and the Doctor wanted to run away, wanted to hide forever so that she never had to hear River say anything in that tone of voice ever again. Was she being even more emotional? Probably, unreasonable and - 

River was kissing the Doctor again, and her cheeks were rubbing against the wetness on the Doctor’s cheeks, her palms rubbing across the span of the Doctor’s belly, up to the Doctor’s chest to press down on her hearts. 

“I’m sorry,” the Doctor murmured, as more tears dripped down her face. “I shouldn’t be all…” 

“Your hormones are probably going haywire,” River said, and she rubbed their noses together. She was still rubbing the Doctor’s belly, little half circles with the palm of her hand. “And you… have done a lot of things. You’re allowed to have feelings, y’know.” She cupped the Doctor’s face, swiping her thumb across the Doctor’s cheekbone to collect tears. “Let me take care of you, Doctor,” she said, and her voice was gentle. 

The Doctor nuzzled into River’s cheek, and she sighed. She kissed River again, soft and sweet and slow, and she let herself melt into the bed. “I missed you,” she said again, and then she paused. “And I’m hungry,” she added, and she giggled in spite of herself, covering her mouth with one hand. 

“We can do something about that, you know,” River pointed out, beginning to sit up.

“I’m _also_ horny,” the Doctor said, her tone reflectived. She propped herself up on one elbow, looking over at River, and she sniffed. The emotions that had been roiling inside of her seemed to have quieted down, at least for now. They’d probably start up all over again soon, but… well, she’d cross that bridge when she came to it. 

River laughed, and then she was kissing along the Doctor’s neck, her nose cold against the Doctor’s pulse point. Her hand slid between the Doctor’s breasts, over the swell of the Doctor’s belly, and the Doctor pressed her hand over River’s. “Well,” River said, and now she was kissing higher, along the Doctor’s jaw, to her ear, “I suppose I should do something about that, hm?”

The Doctor shuddered, her whole body clenching up as River’s tongue traced along the curve of her ear. “That’s… mm…” She moaned again, as River sucked on her earlobe, and she let herself be guided back down to lie flat, a pillow shoved under her back at the last moment to prop her up, just a bit. 

“I can’t get over how big you’ve gotten,” River murmured, right in the Doctor’s ear. “Knowing you’re growing a person inside of you, and it’s a person that _we_ made…” She trailed off, and then she was kissing down the Doctor’s neck again, her tongue flickering out here and there to taste the Doctor’s skin.

The Doctor let herself get lost in it, let herself inhabit her body for the first time in who knew how long. She was _aware_ of her hearts beating, of the baby’s hearts beating inside of her, the way her lungs filled with air, released it. She was made of muscle and bone and nerves, her skin practically a living organism in and of itself. River’s long hair was making her squirm, River’s tongue, River’s breath, River’s feather light touches. When River’s mouth wrapped around her nipple, the Doctor went stock still, utterly consumed by the sensation of heat and wetness and suction.

“Are you alright?” River’s voice was faintly muffled - she still had her face pressed between the Doctor’s breasts, and her breath was raising more goosebumps.

“Doing great,” the Doctor said thickly. “Please don’t stop.”

“Y’sure? I know that -”

“River, please don’t stop,” the Doctor said, and she kept her hands in River’s hair, trying to tug River’s mouth back to her nipple.

River snickered, and she pressed a little kiss to the tip of it. “Oh, sweetie,” she said fondly. “You’re getting bossy.”

“I just know what I want,” the Doctor said firmly. 

"I shouldn't just say "getting," now that I think about it," River said, and then her mouth was on the Doctor's nipple again, sucking on it in long, deep pulls of her mouth. The Doctor's eyes fluttered closed, and the pulse between her legs seemed to be getting stronger.

"Oh, River," the Doctor murmured, and her fingers were still clutching at River's hair. It was biting into her fingers, but that little nibble of pain seemed to just be adding to the pleasure of it, it was all swallowing her up. The baby was getting restless inside of her, doubtless spurred on by all the hormones that were flooding the Doctor's whole body, and the Doctor let herself soak it all in. 

River switched nipples, half draped over the Doctor, and her flat stomach was pressed against the Doctor's rounded one. All of the points of contact were like anchors, keeping her in place, keeping her from drifting out of her body. Here and now, she was safe with her wife, with her baby, with her _self_ , inasmuch as she was ever safe with herself. The familiar heat was tightening low and deep inside of her guts, and she shivered, pressing her thighs together. 

"You look sexy like this," River said, looking up between the Doctor's breasts. She was rubbing the Doctor's belly again. 

"Never saw you as having a thing for pregnancy," the Doctor said, and her cheeks were turning red. "I mean, I don't see why you wouldn't, but it's still..." 

"You're having _my_ baby," River said, and she was moving down now, pressing wet kisses down between the Doctor's breasts, to the top of her belly, to the roundest point. Her kisses turned gentler, no doubt remembering all the bruises, and the Doctor squirmed. 

"Your baby," the Doctor echoed. She was shaking again, and she wanted... she wasn't sure what it was she wanted, except she wanted more of it, so much that she'd drown. She whimpered when River's fingers skated up the insides of her thighs, and she _sobbed_ at the first gentle tap at her clit. 

"Oh, darling," River breathed, and she was scooting lower, kissing along the curve again, rubbing her cheek against the tight skin. "You smell so _good_." She kissed the Doctor's vulva, and then she was ducking her head down lower, her tongue swirling around the Doctor's clit. 

The Doctor's whole being seemed to be centered around the sweet pleasure radiating out from between her legs. It was as if some part of her mind was cataloguing everything, from the tickle of River's hair on her inner thighs to the way the baby was kicking against her ribs. It was all happening at once, and it was as if her buzzing, ticking brain was shutting off. 

She came like a fireworks show, crying out as it went on and on, shuddering through her in waves. The sweet pleasure throbbed through her clit, pulsing in her belly, fizzing down her nerves. She had another orgasm on the heels of the first, or maybe it was a continuation of the first, but it just kept _going_. When it finally subsided, she found herself lying on the bed, still twitching. River had crawled up next to her, and was nuzzling into her neck, breasts pressed into her side. 

"Good, I take it," River said, and she was only a little breathless. The Doctor realized, belatedly, that River was grinding against her thigh. 

The Doctor brought her hand around, cupping River's vulva and sliding her fingers along the cleft. She pressed her fingers inside of River, her thumb on River's clit, and she moaned at the familiar tight heat. She was struck with the sense memory of the feel of River clenched around her cock, the memory of River's cock inside of her. Her cunt clenched around nothing, and then River was coming around her fingers, head thrown back and eyes squeezed shut. 

"Fuck," River said, with feeling, and she rested her sweaty forehead against the Doctor's temple. 

"Give me a moment," the Doctor said, and then she grunted, as the baby kicked her again, harder. "Oh, she felt that."

"I won't lie, I feel a little weird about that," said River, but she was pressing her hand on the Doctor's belly again. She made a delighted noise at the little flutter against her palm. 

"It's all hormones," the Doctor said, her tone airy. Then she frowned. "Although I am hungry."

"We can do something about that," said River. "Although we should probably get out of bed first.”

“I suppose…” 

* * *

“When you said you wanted to go to Brighton Beach, this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind,” River said, shuffling her chair a little closer to the cafe table. It made a rough, raspy noise across the sun bleached boards of the boardwalk. 

“There’s loads of Brightons,” the Doctor pointed out. She took a sugar cube in her mouth, she took a sip of the tea - herbal this time. “On this planet alone, even!”

It was summer now, and there were people in the water. The Doctor could hear children laughing and screaming, the blare of boomboxes, the calls of people selling hot dogs and cold water.It was so _alive_ , messy and chaotic in ways that warmed the Doctor’s hearts the way the sun was warming the top of her head. 

“Oh no,” said a voice, and a woman was coming out of the shop. “My mother was right, wasn’t she?” 

The Doctor smiled at the daughter of the cafe owner, rubbing her belly. “I’m afraid so,” she said ruefully. 

River raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. She took a bite of her own blintz, and somehow managed to not spill blueberry filling all over herself. 

“My mother is unlivable when she’s right,” the woman said, and she set another plate of blintzes in front of the Doctor.

The Doctor sighed, and she pressed her foot against River’s. The gulls were screaming, and people were laughing. The baby nudged against her ribs, and just at that moment, everything was an amazing surprise, and exactly as it should have been.


End file.
